Obama Announces his Veep

This is the official announcement received from Barack Obama minutes ago....







































































Psych! :)

When news and politics really create a FUBAR.

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why. ______________________________________

So today, yes, today I noticed a major FUBAR on Yahoo! News. Perhaps this major FUBAR was induced by the excitement of Yahoo! finally being taken out by the big boys at Microsoft. Perhaps this was a feeble attempt of Republican satire? Perhaps it's just a FUBAR.

FUBAR is a term used when things are really, well, FUBAR. Note the link on the yahoo page in the image titled "MoveOn.org endorses McCain". That my friends is a total FUBAR. Not just becuase the link takes you to the correct article titled "Obama endorsed by anti-war group", but also because it would otherwise be science fiction. Basically it would never happen in a million years. McCain - MoveOn.org - well, that's like a chocolate and pickle soufle, turkey baister and starch and sugar and water, - no, wait, wrong topic. More like, the pope taking a crap in the woods. Or maybe, Bill doing Hillary.

Could there be a conspiracy here? Could it be that the Repubs have hacked into the Yahoo system? Could it be that "anonymous" hacked in again, thinking they were getting it on with one of the Church of Scientology guys?

Perhaps it's simply a frickin' reporter's error! Somebody asleep at the wheel. Whatever the reason, this is exactly the type of crap that Crapjunkies devour. So, lesson be learned:

1. If a link's description sounds questionable, follow it to make sure.


2. If a link is on a Yahoo sidebar under an Ann Coulter picture, then you know it's a conspiracy!


3. If you are reading this, then you are a Crapjunkie!

CJ

Trump could have, should have, but like all pussies, didn't...

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.
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So here we go again with an insatiable season of The Apprentice. Sure there are a couple of differences, like celebrities playing the game, but Trump, you still are a looser when it comes to truly being a man of your word. You published so many bullshit books and hence can't even remember what you wrote. I used to be a fan. Can you tell?

In any case, the CrapJunkies lined up to watch the first episode this week I am sure. Not because of you, but rather because of a little devil named Gene, some hot Playboy chick, and several other hot celebs except for the oddball - Amarossa. What the hell made her a celeb? For the first time we are about to experience your match made in hell. You against Gene (the preview looked good - but I still don't think it will save the show for yet another season.). Serves you right.

You see Donald, oh mighty Donald with the power of hair, you fucked up on the first episode. You showed your weakness to the CrapJunkies that watch you. Fortunately for you, they are CrapJunkies. Otherwise they would have read your books and actually might understand this article.

You Donald, the mighty Donald in your mighty Board Room blew it big time. At this point you are thinking; "Like hell I did, I kept that Omoarosa bitch in play - that's good TV". And I for one would expect nothing less from a weasel with oh so mighty hair. Of course, you do need exceptional TV at this point. Hell, even NBC can't keep your website up to date anymore. I wonder why?

You blew it because you tried to play the idiotic and Crapjunkie believable corporate bullshit game that has fucked over so many good Crapjunkies. The morgue in your house must now be beyond full.

You see Donald, simply making a statement, about how "cruel the corporate world is sometimes to some of the better people", and that sometimes its "just not right". "But it is a business and in business you have to make business decisions"; was the lamest, dumbest thing ever to come out of your pie hole. Particularly right after firing an innocent. As you have said so many times; "Talk is cheap"; you really are an idiot. Yes Donald, talk is cheap! And you are one of the best (worst) when it comes to cheap talk.

Oh how profound your words were Donald. So profound about unfair things in the "business world". Well eat shit you prick- you of all people with your greatness could have actually induced a slight change by simply not following the rules of the "business world" for a change. Just think of the example you could have set for all those corporate slime ball limp dicked asshole MBA's that cling on your every word. Just think of the positive PR that you could have started to induce around you, that would actually make little Irish (or was it Scottish?) men sell you property for allot less because they actually would like you.

You, the almighty Donald, were too weak to follow your own rule of business. And now you sit and wonder just which rule that could be? Well, understanding that you are basically The Donald, the master of all CrapJunkies, you should know your own rules, shouldn't you? The one fundamental rule that you so flaunt whenever you can. The rule that you rub in every one's face over and over again. The one almighty Donald rule: "The Donald never follows rules!"

Well you contradicted yourself big time mister. You fucked up royally. You deserve nothing but a great big spanking. A spanking from Omorosa. She should be the one, for you have dishonored her. (As well as that hot chick you fired.) You dishonored her by not firing her ass once and for all, all in the name of fucking CrapJunkie TV. Just how kitschy do you need to get?

Be forewarned Donald, the CrapJunkies are watching you. Ah shit, that's not what is supposed to happen. Damn it. Crap. Donald wins again.

But I won too - I deliberately misspelled Omarosa Manigault Stallworth's name just to piss her off.

Nanner, Nanner, Donald. Oh, and by your own words, pay attention, you just might learn something from all those wonderful and truly successful people on your show this season.

CJ

Happy Old Year - Knee Jerks of Wallstreet and BS

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

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So here we are, just barely out the door with 2008 and what does Wall Street do? They do what they are best at.. knee jerk themselves into oblivion.

So how is it that solid company's stocks just plummet? Why are people that own stock so goddamn stupid? Why does one idiot inspire another to buy or sell based on nonsensical information at any given time. Why does the stock market follow Britney Spears' actions so closely. What the f&$#?

OK, so when Britney shaved her snatch and showed it on TV, the market rallied. When she shaved her head, it rallied, backwards. Now she is in custody from what I hear in some hospital for a 72 hour watch.

Does that mean that after this is over the market will take off again? Most likely! You bet! Listen you fucking Wall Street CrapJunkies, or should I simply just elevate you to Crapmeisters! You guys are all a bunch of unrealistic pansies. You pretend to know what the hell is going on in the world of finance and fuck it up every time. Why? Because you are not only Crapmeisters, but motherfucking greedy bastards to boot. When was the last time you took a good shit? Obviously a long time ago. Looking into your eyes it seems you are pretty full lately.

Anyway, back to the Britney Spears-Wall Street connection/conspiracy. So you may wonder why this is the case. Well, I am about to prove to you that the two are directly connected at the hip. You see, when Britney Spears (we'll just call her BS from here on out), does something that pisses us regular Crapjunkies off, say for example gets fucked up and drives into somebody, it has a direct impact on the economy. Here's how:

Crapjunkies immediately gather around the tube to hear the shit flying through the journalistic fucks' mouths about how BS hit the mofo while filling a tank of gas and tripping on the curb with her kid in hand while slipping off her Fredrick's of Hollywood panties to strut her lips in the warm breeze because she forgot to put chap stick on them. But that is yet another story. OK, but in this little 10 second clip of life, she has directly impacted the gas companies, lingerie companies, kid companies (why don't they make safety devices for idiots like her?) , TV stations, their affiliates, their sponsor's which all lead back to Wall Street. Oh yeah - and you the Crapjunkies offer even more full support.

You watch this shit on TV, get off on it, think about it, sleep on it and then finally act on it. This is what I like to call the Crapjunkie BS Syndrome Cycle. Great acronym huh? OK, so now we have the CBSSC. Of course there was some pill pushing communist company running their commercial telling you to "ask your doctor if this is right for you" during all of this. So you order more pills, which by the way are most likely involved with some petroleum based substance, which in turn increases the price of oil, which in turn has absolutely no effect on Wall Street. Right? Right.

So, you have your shit tube tuned in (using electricity, generated from coal plants, in California, causing the air to thicken, causing BS's lips to chap even more) to Crapjunkie's special reports from the Crapjunkie Network News (CNN?). You listen, you laugh. You listen, you cry. You listen, you get pissed. You listen, then realize you can also watch. Fuck, it's TV!

Moving right along, and back to the proof that Wall Street and BS fit perfectly together. Wow, I could stop right there. Case and Point.

Happy New Year to all you Crap Junkies and stay tuned for one CrapJunkette of a year!

CJ

It's been a while, but wowzee, I've got a secret!

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

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So it's been a while since I last posted here. There is an actual reason for this. I have moved, relocated, left the so called "paradise", "got the fuck out of Dodge" even though I never owned a Dodge and never would. But that will be another bit, I am sure.

I have been sitting back for a while, remodeling my new-old house and basically just accumulating more "fodder" for this wonderful and totally insane blog. I use the word "insane" as it really applies to this particular "blogette" for the Crapjunkies of the world.

By definition, insanity is when you try do to the same thing, the same way, over and over again while expecting a different result. As an example and something you can do to help prove that you, as a true Crapjunkie are not insane, (Ok, you are reading this, so you are a Crapjunkie and have to be insane anyway.) try this;

1. Bend over slightly in front of a solid wall. (There is a reason you want a solid wall which is explained later.) - By definition (yes another damn definition) this solid wall would be made out of brick, not drywall. It simply has a better effect.

2. Now slowly accelerate using both legs (i.e. run) towards this wall with your head pointed straight at it.

3. Impact the wall to get the full effect.

4. Answer the following question once coming to: "Did it hurt?"

5. Repeat steps 1 through 4 repeatedly until you get admitted to the hospital at which point they put you in a straight jacket. This will be easy for them to do as you will still and most likely be in a coma. As you are in a coma, it will be your relative, spouse, friend or anyone that watched the insane act, be the one that explained what happened. They will elaborate, adjectivicate (is that even a word?) and explain, enhance and try to decipher what the hell you were trying to prove. They will explain that you barreled towards the wall head first several times, and even after blood came spewing out of your head you were still determined that you could ram through the wall without pain.

They will explain that you were so convinced about this, that you tried over and over again while expecting a totally different result. You did this because you believed. You believed because you visualized it. You visualized it because you are part of that new cult called "The Secret." - Yes you are insane because you blew a gigantic wad on "The Secret" while finding out shortly afterwards that this was nothing but a badly organized cultish society of more Crapjunkies like yourself.

You joined because you are in search of answers (and lots of money too). But your visualization skills have yet to be mastered. (You need to spend at least 4 more grand to achieve this, stupid!)

Now, back to the wall and why it needs to be brick. There are several reasons, but I'll keep it short:

1. If it was drywall, it could break and you would be pissed off. Because now you need to visualize it being fixed , or being whole again. Shit!

2. If it was drywall, and your head went through it, you would not immediately suffer to the point of a coma, but would show to have a really bad case of dandruff.

3. If it was wood, you would simply bounce off of it, as it has a "reflective coefficient" of extreme intensity. Go ahead and try it. See for yourself. It won't hurt. It really won't hurt because you see or visualize yourself with no pain prior to engagement.

4. That's it. (I said I would keep it short.)

So the plot thickens. You are now officially deemed to be insane. But there is a perk to it all. Remember that visualization tactic that "The Secret" teaches to all of its (cult) members? We'll it really works! No shit. Think about it, you are not insane, you simply changed the rules using all the bits and pieces around you. Just like they taught you. You now have achieved your visualization, successfully.

Yes, you are now bouncing off of rubber walls. Congratulations. Now sign up for the next phase. It's only $2,500. Or simply watch this video that tells all (Brought to you by Mark Day Comedy):

No Need to Explain -- Just Watch....

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

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Ok, all you Crapjunkies! Don't forget to support our troops. We are all they have as it is fact they cannot rely on our administration. Sad but true.

When the Newspaper just ain't the News and Statistics hit an all time high.

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

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Today I decided to be a pro-active Crap Junkie. I hence, decided to leave a comment on a blog that is somewhat local to me; Lansner on Real Estate. This blog is hosted by our wonderful newspaper the Orange County Register. This paper is really of high quality... paper. It is great for several things such as a drop cloth when painting or even for building paper mâché stuff, but that's where it ends. The content leaves one wanting and seems to be filled with Crap Junkie fodder. Perhaps this is the only way they can create bulk for the purpose of seeming like a real newspaper.

Now comes the real test of this paper. Will they post my comment? Stay tuned.

Here is the comment that I posted today and is supposedly waiting for review:

Statistics are made up 47.8945% of the time...
In today's wonderful rag of what some call a newspaper, and I use that term lightly, the headlines regarding anything real estate show that when there is no real news, let's make some up.
Headlines today:

• A Moderating Market (front page)
  
• Housing peak now a losing streak. (Lansner - Marketplace)
  
• Home prices level off (Marketplace)

So which is it?

The first article says it ain't so bad. The next almost speaks of doom and gloom, and the last says it's pretty normal. What cracks me up is that with all this speculation in the same paper, under the Local section, the big Irvine Co is talking about another 4000 homes to be built. Granted this is in east Orange and is a project slated of over 14 years. But it is obvious that the big boys don't seem to care about the doom and gloom factor of today. Hence, why should we? Why should you?

Could this be simply because they see the bigger picture over a longer term? Most likley. The problem with all these nonsensicle articles written to fill the paper at any given time, just feed the immediate response and knee-jerk reaction of the many. And then the many wonder why we have such crazy swings in what is being reported.

Stay tuned, next week everything will be on an upswing most likely... that is, according to the newspaper speculators.

Irreconcilable Indifferences of Love and Insanity with a bit of Holy Crap! (Part V – The Crap Junkie De-Tox Strategy)

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

This is just another part of a series that starts here. You should read all the parts in order so that it makes even more sense. Maybe it won't make any sense. But you can't say I didn't warn you, so if you want to get it to make sense, then go read this first!

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The Crap Junkie De-tox strategy (Part A):

Bottom line: If you are with someone, or a group that you love, cherish, enjoy having sex with, then what the fuck! Don’t let anyone tell you this or that may be wrong. Don’t let some outsider sandbag you with what they believe. You know how you feel. You know what you want. So go with it! Use a little common sense and don’t sell yourself down the river. If you really, really, really want to be together with someone and they as well want to be with you, then all of these Crap Junkie concepts, issues and influences should go away and be in fact, totally moot!

I know, everyone is thinking about that falling in love head over heals shit, and how love can make you blind shit, I have to marry her to get laid and.. well, you get the picture… Well, let me take you to yet another vantage point on this subject…

Some suggestions for implementation of the Crap Junkie De-toxification Process (CJDP – oh, gotta love those acronyms!) in regards to marriage:

What if you decided that you truly didn’t want to be a Crap Junkie in regards to this institution? What if there was a way to act, be and live like an abnormal, non-conforming, well-spirited, howdy-doody type of human non-Crap Junkie that doesn’t or simply refuses to buy into all the pre-defined Crap Junkie philosophy?

When it comes to relationships which may eventually lead to the institution you really need to ask yourself prior to engagement of full force (a.k.a. the “C” word) a few questions about yourself, your partner and the world in general.

If you consider that you have, had or may get to actually have a friend in your life that you like, respect, honor, are best buddies with, regardless of any situation you find yourself in, you could use that as a foundation of experience of what a relationship should be like.

Best of friends hang out all the time, get along, do all kinds of stuff and even when there is a disagreement, you don’t end up dumping each other. Hell, you can have all out cat fights! But when all is said and done, you get right back on track. Friends are known to usually not fuck their friends over, in most cases. Friends stick by and to each other through thick and thin. Friends usually stay friends for a long, long time, and in many cases for life.

So why is it that when you decide to get involved in a relationship with a lust partner, all of that is forgotten? Why is it that the person you are most likely screwing, munching, balling, fucking, eating, blowing and yes, kissing, can not fall into that most sacred friend category? Why is it that the minute you have had any type of bodily malfunction with this person, you somehow classify them as something other than your friend, or better yet, why not let them be your best friend?

Because you are a fucking Crap Junkie!

So de-toxify yourself a little bit more for a moment and think about this:

What if you could even for just a moment go with the concept and look at the partner in question and ask yourself; If he/she did something to really piss me off right now, what would my reaction be? Then ask the same question about your reaction if your best friend did the same piss you off maneuver. Would you react differently for either of the two? If so, would you be willing to join our Level Playing Field for Friends Online for only $39.95 per month? Would you be willing to be honest for just once in your Crap Junkie life and admit that you don’t understand what the fuck is being asked here?

The point is that Crap Junkies first off, abuse the term friend and really don’t know the meaning of the word.

Crap Junkies have a really bad habit of introducing everyone in the context of; This is a new friend of mine and he/she… while knowing they just met this fucking person that they so humbly introduce! How the hell can this be a friend?

This person is no more that a mere acquaintance at best, you fucking Crap Junkie! Crap Junkies are so confused about this that they walk through life with a gazillion friends. Non Crap Junkies are lucky if they can count their friends on one set of fingers. This is where the problem starts!

Crap Junkies are always using this superficial way out and enhancing the value of any on-the-fly relationship through cheap-ass wording. Perhaps the reason is very simple for this phenomenon to be happening in the typical Crap Junkie life. Crap Junkies were sold on the fact that they are only important if they can sustain a certain quota of individuals on a daily basis knowing that most such individuals have absolutely no meaning in their Crap Junkie life.

Hence, everyone becomes a friend because Crap Junkies were taught that a person without friends is a fucking loser. Now, I do have an acquaintance that would disagree with that statement, and would use the softer way of putting this into words…. You lack self-esteem.

The bottom line is, if you can honestly treat your other half as you would your best friend, you will have tremendous success, get laid all the time and even, ah, get laid all the time. Buggers… this goes against every possible thing that gets driven into your mindless Crap Junkie head, day in and day out by the relentless fucking pricks on TV, in the press, the rags and society in general, and let’s not forget, Dr. Phil.

The proof of this fact is simple. Here is a little test you can use to determine whether or not an individual is a true Crap Junkie in respect to marriage and relationships. Just ask this profound question and see what kind of whacked and non-relevant and non-concise answers you get. You ready for this?

An alien landed in your front yard tonight and told you that his species has been listening in on our radio and shit tube waves for quite a while now? By doing so they kept hearing this word called love. They now have gotten so frustrated not knowing what that word meant, or stood for, as they could not find any good correlation examples on this planet that would even closely resemble anything to it. Hence, now they are threatening to destroy this planet unless someone can clearly define what this means, immediately, and in simple plain old English as they have acquired a taste and understanding for this language.

What would you say?

Here are some typical responses from typical Crap Junkies that I have enjoyed (and ok, imagined) hearing:

• Can you repeat that question please? - anonymous
• ah, um, huh, um, cough, ah let me think about that for a minute. – anonymous wanting to be intellectual
• ah, that’s simple, love is… and then a bunch of rambling nonsense for about 4 minutes if you are lucky, otherwise it goes on for 10 minutes and turns into a religious and political discussion that has absolutely no relevance to the question and hence will cause the world to get annihilated. – anonymous A-typical republican.
• Love is a battlefield. – former Crap Junkie of the 70’s that worked closely with Pat Benatar. (Another shameless plug for another friend.) – A bass guitarist.
• I guess we’re fuckin’ screwed, they’d blow the shit out of us if they landed in my yard in front of my trailer… get me another beer bitch. – Jerry Springer’s first guest.
• What? Are you nuts? – Dr. Phil
• Ask the Vice President’s daughter, she’s gay. – a former presidential candidate that has a real smooth way of keeping his mouth packed with both feet.
• Do these aliens have weapons of mass destruction by chance? – George W.Bush
  

Top secret Crap Junkie Answer:

Love, is when you know you can express and share your innermost thoughts, dreams, feelings and fantasies with a person and simply know beyond a doubt that they would never ever use such information against you, to set conditions, or to hurt you, ever!

The world has been saved once again from annihilation! And I suppose this is now no longer a secret either.

Potential Crap Junkie De-tox Strategies (Part B).

So for those Crap Junkies that are scared shitless of the C word and fear the institution, then why get married when you can do this?

1. Start a small business or company and employ yourselves to get insurance for each other. There is no law that states a company must do anything productive to be in business. (Shit, I just defined half of the companies in this country!) Hence, you can use it as a shell for yourselves and most likely protect each other even better than a conventional marriage deal not to mention a pre-nup.
2. Since the lawmakers and politicians love to implement their religious attitudes into everything, but always claim to honor and respect other religions, start your own religion! Make them respect your own personal religion! Become a powerful religion! Publish books with volcanoes on them, and change your name to Horn Y. Mofo. Books with volcanoes always make people bow down and pray. Oh yeah, side effects of such religions can include the yield of 10% of your entire parishioner’s income. What a deal! Call it The New Age Crap Junkies Church, then, turn it into an acronym, which I like, such as NACJC making sure to always bold the last two letters like this; NACJC which will subtly give a hint and in turn offer immediate approval amongst all federal agencies.
3. Vote for the other guy the next time! Let those politicians know that you care, and send them a message with your vote. Remember, as they say, every vote counts. Ok, so this is a bullshit idea… but it is a hint to what’s coming later in this wonderful resource of information.
4. For the gay community specifically; implement suggestions 1 and 2 combined and kick some royal or should I say politician’s asses! After all, you are only human. Right?

In simple terms, do anything you can possibly and legally do to circumvent the instilled concept of the Crap Junkie version or concept of the institution. By doing so, you can also circumvent the bullshit political scene that tries to use religion and self-righteousness to deny or bend your rights. Of course, you may get a visit from the feds surrounding your compound as they always seem to think you are some vigilant group of Nazi Lesbian Hooker Transvestites or NLHT's.

The bottom line, the institution of marriage today has nothing to do with religion. It has everything to do with money and human rights and relationships. I personally have yet to see a priest, reverend, rabbi or any other so called holy father impersonator walk into a court room when the shit hits the fan at the end of a marriage! God won’t punish you. He (or she) frankly could give a shit. However, the politicians and the religious bible thumpers will tell you all day long about their precious little feelings. It is a question and motion of power for them. What a great way to show power and instill fear into us, the poor little Crap Junkies.

Just one more thing, there is another checkbox available. Yet, rarely does it ever get used. This check box actually defines everything far more accurately than anyone could ever come up with or imagine. And yes it too will get you a legal divorce. It is the box right below the one mentioned in the prios checkbox blog entry. It is the one, on the form, that everyone fears even thinking about. It has a set of words that apply to an institutional state of mind! It is the one that has the words incurable insanity next to it!

And hence, I make my case! Marriage or the end of, truly can be the cause for a different type of Institution!

- CJ

P.S. I already know there is more to come on this topic, so stay tuned.